A Hopeful Author Apologizes to a Literary Agent for an Email Error

From: JessicaSmith@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Saturday, 11:07 PM

Dear Jessica Vale,

In my recent email to you requesting representation for my literary novel Letters Lost, I neglected to include my telephone number. I apologize for the oversight. You’ll find the number in my signature below.

I hope this minor error won’t tarnish your opion of my sample or give you the impression that I’m careless about my work.

Sincerely,
Jessica Smith
(212) 555–8871

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From: JessicaSmith@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Saturday, 11:11 PM

Dear Jessica,

I apologize for having sent you another imperfect email. I saw the typo as I hit “send,” and I could not be more mortified.

In a fortuitous turn, that mishap alerted me to the fact that I had forgotten to attach, in my initial email, the summary requested in your guidelines. Attached, please find my original query packet along with the one-page summary I neglected to send.

Thank you again for your time. You must receive so many emails from hopeful clients that you hardly have time to read them all. Please know I understand this, that I greatly appreciate you and your position, and that any errors in my emails are not a frel

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 12:25AM

Dear Jennifer,

I am so very sorry. My fingers hit a combination of keys that sent that last email automatically. I meant to say that any errors in my emails are not a reflection of the level of respect I have for you or the work you do.

Warm regards,

Jessica Smith
(212) 555–8871

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 12:32 AM

Oh my goodness, Ms. Vale, I just realized I addressed you as Jennifer in my last email. I do know your name is Jessica. (As someone who’s also named Jessica, I get “Jennifer” all the time, so I know what it’s like.) I’m so sorry.

In case this is the first email of mine you’re seeing, I’ve attached my query packet along with my original query letter for my literary novel Letters Lost.

All my best,

Jessica Smith
(212) 555–8871

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 12:48AM

Dear Jessica,

I accidentally sent you a three-page synopsis intended for the Dreamhope Literary Agency rather than the one-page synopsis you requested. Please see attachments for correct documents.

As an agent, I’m sure you understand the confusion authors experience in the submission process — one agent wants a one-page synopsis and ten-page outline, another wants a three-page synopsis and ten thousand words…

Naturally, we hopeful authors understand literary agents can’t possibly come together to establish a uniform set of guidelines.

We genuinely do.

Humbly,

Jennifer Smith
(212) 555–8871

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 01:30 AM

Jessica –

I hope the tone of my last email wasn’t misperceived. I intended no sarcasm re: agents not possibly creating a standard set of guidelines that would greatly reduce the stress placed on authors with dreams of representation.

I also acknowledge that I might have come across as being too familiar. Having sent you so many emails, it was a natural progression on my part to feel more comfortable with you (or, at least, the you I imagine as I write), but of course there’s no reason to expect that you would share the same familiar feelings about me.

Respectfully,

Jessica (not Jennifer; please forgive my earlier error) Smith
(212) 555–8871

P.S. The misplaced modifier in my previous email is something you won’t see anywhere in Letters Lost, nor in any future projects of mine you might represent.

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 01:46 AM

Dear Jessica Vale,

Attached please find the documents I forgot to attach in my previous email.

Please know I appreciate your patience and understanding, and that I love you

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 01:48AM

Dear Ms. Vale,

Oh my god.

I assure you that will never happen again.

I meant to say I love your work, of course, on social media. You’re an inspiration to authors everywhere.

The documents I didn’t have time to attach before the last email sent itself are attached to this one.

All my best,

Jessica Smith
(212) 555–8871

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From: JessicaSmith2@mail.com
To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com
Sent: Sunday, 01:52AM

Hi, Jessica,

Obviously you discovered, as I just did, that my last email to you had chapters to the wrong manuscript attached. That’s part two to Letters Lost. (I think a series could revolutionize the literary fiction genre, and I would love to discuss this with you.)

Correct chapters attached below.

Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look orf

*

Originally published in Slackjaw