Tag Archives: iraq

The things you forgot you put into your fiction…

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I just found this in a file while doing a search for something somewhat related. After spending so much time with Pretty Much True…, there are actually times, now, I can’t remember whether something in the book happened only in the book, or whether it’s a real memory.

A lot of Pretty Much True… rings true because I used my experience to guide the fiction, but now and then I’ll be reminded of just how many little pieces of reality also became Mia’s reality. The following true (real true, not pretty much true) account was saved as a file called “guest post,” but I don’t remember who it was for or whether it was ever sent: Continue reading →

War stories’ oft neglected characters

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Thousands of people with loved ones deployed overseas won’t be seeing it, though, even if it did win best picture. They don’t need to. The people they love are fighting in the Middle East where their real-life vehicles are blasted into the air by skillfully planted IEDs, and where they’re trying their best to survive real firefights.

This particular audience will opt for something — anything — else. Something that doesn’t entertain with explosions and dismembered limbs encased in the telltale green of military ACUs, shredded and bloodied at the point of separation. Something that doesn’t have actors fake bleeding for cameras positioned far enough away from the Iraq border to stay safe from actual danger.

Because in real life, service members are dying — you can identify them by the shapes of their boxes under the cover of American flags.

In real life, the deployed are seeing friends bleed out and turn cold. They’re coming home psychologically damaged, their families now veritable strangers, the love they once had and tried to hold onto lost somewhere between over here and over there.

In real life, the people who love the real-life versions of those wacky, on-screen sketches of soldiers spend every day knowing this could be the day they find out the person they love most in the world has just been killed. Has just had both legs blown off. Has just been rendered brain damaged by a piece of shrapnel to the skull.

Every time a new war movie releases, we’re told it’s “the most realistic war movie since [insert title here].” Having never been to war myself, I rely on my husband, an Afghanistan and Iraq veteran, to tell me how much of what’s portrayed is accurate. (He says the best he’s seen is the HBO series “Generation Kill,” but because he was in the 101st Airborne Division, he’s also partial to the World War II miniseries “Band of Brothers”).

Most war movies can seem realistic enough to those who have no experience fighting in a war. They’re even realistic enough to those of us who have waited for the person we love to survive a war. More than realistic enough. And when we’re not waiting — when the person we love is beside us munching popcorn in the theater, and we’re happy because they’re here for us to thump on the arm and tell to eat quietly, please — the war movies are all right. Even good. But something is always missing from them.

In real life, the people left waiting are a larger part of the war story. Yet, you read and see little about them. As far as the viewing audience is concerned, those left waiting are generally okay. They may have moments of fear when a battle is documented by the news, sure. But their only true horror would be finding out there’ll be no homecoming, right? Because most deployed troops come home alive.

This is true. Most do come home alive, percentage-wise.

But many don’t. And every single person whose loved one is deployed wonders daily, “Will I be the one who gets the news? Someone has to get it. Will my love be the one who dies? Someone has to die.”

When my husband deployed to Kuwait in 2003 before major operations began in Iraq, he was living in the camp attacked with grenades by 101st soldier Asan Akbar.He wasn’t hurt, but I didn’t know that until he called me several hours later.

He was supposed to have been safe. Not only had the war not even begun, but he was in Kuwait, not Iraq. Lesson learned about war: anything can happen at any time, and the chances are greater at war that something will. A mortar, an RPG, an IED, a bullet, a kidnapping, a beheading, a grenade thrown by a fellow troop. Anything. Any second.

When you sit back to watch The Hurt Locker to determine whether you agree with its Oscar-worthiness, you’ll be reminded to give thought to those doing the real-life war fighting. Please let this be a reminder to also consider the people left waiting, the ones who start mourning the moment they say goodbye to the uniformed person they love.

Carol’s Aquarium reviewed by POD People

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CAROL'S-AQUARIUM-COVER3 Minimalist at its finest…

There are quite a few stories in the collection having to do with a woman’s anxiety as she awaits the return of a man at war. I believe Ms. Tsetsi has some experience with that, and so it didn’t surprise me that it would be one the major themes explored in the work, but pining for the soldier lover is only one of many of the existential themes represented here: We also explore the issues of mortality, depression, desperate delusional love, jealousy, insecurity, envy, guilt …The themes are very pointed, and the writing is confident enough to deliver the emotional payload like a blow to the chest with a knife-blade.  – Cheryl Anne Gardner, POD People

Thanks to Ms. Gardner for taking the time to read and review Carol’s Aquarium.

(For the rest of the review, visit POD People. I hope you’ll visit frequently to check out this informative and interesting review blog.)

Morals & Responsibility

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A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from a blog talk radio host just hours before we were due to go live. The host, afraid to upset the show’s listeners, wanted to change topics from talking (with a book club) about Homefront’s story and characters  to talking about publishing and writing, in general, because there was concern the readers of the book, and listeners of the show, would get upset.

Marriages are going through tough times with all of these deployments, and a relationship in Homefront had made some of them unhappy.

I was told my book had, among a certain group, become controversial due to some raw emotions.

It’s not surprising military marriages are going through some difficulty. A relationship can be hard to maintain a)when you’re never together b) when  your time is unexpectedly cut short when you are finally together

and c) your relationship goes from a year of heightened anxiety to time together spent trying to get to know who you’ve each become during the most recent absence. Never mind that a lot of marriages have a hard time during the first year, as it is, and many people marry just prior to deployment should anything happen (and because it can be romantic). A deployment can put stress on strong marriages; imagine what it does to the new ones. Or the already weakening ones.

The email from the radio host about the reactions of some milspouses might explain why, on Kindle, Homefront is #2 in the category “Morals & Responsibility” (and was recently #1 in “Feelings & Emotions”).

I was surprised by the Morals & Responsibility category, because I immediately went to my positive place. “Homefront? An example of good morals and responsibility? I guess that could happen. I mean, the subjectivity of morals and the various ways in which we take personal responsibility leaves room for all kinds of interpretations. It is a gray area, after all, and…”

But after remembering the above email, I realized, “Ohhhh…it’s just IN the category. The way the story ‘Harrison Bergeron’ might be categorized under ‘Utopia’.”

One of the relationships in Homefront could certainly be considered “immoral” if looked at from a black-and-white perspective. “This is right. That is wrong. No matter what.”

But I don’t believe in “no matter what.” There are certainly obvious rights and wrongs, but there is also context. Circumstance. Human nature.  Contributing elements, factors, and forces.

I wrote back, in part:

The story is meant to shed light on the very real difficulty of deployments, and forgetting that to avoid unpleasantness is kind of like sweeping all of it away. It’s not pleasant, period – there’s no reason to pretend otherwise.

It was an opportunity to let them vent, if they wanted to. I was more than happy to be their target. They had things to say and it felt cowardly to not give them the chance to do it to the person whose book was upsetting them.

It would also have meant being able to explain that that particular relationship portrayed in Homefront very intentionally upset them (if you will) because that’s a reality. That stuff happens. Only, rather than approaching it in a sensationalist way, it’s approached in a way that does its best to explain how things like that can happen. (This is not a primary story line in Homefront, but a sub-plot.)

How are people with no knowledge of deployments going to know how it affects people without knowing how it really affects people?

It’s not all yellow ribbons and cookies.

There is a lot of strength, passion, perseverance, love, loyalty, elation, and dedication to be found in couples going through deployments.

There is also a lot of confusion, jealousy, conflict, anxiety, tension, impatience, anger, frustration, and restlessness.

Homefront covers the former. It would have been the height of irresponsibility to ignore the latter.

In the end, we did discuss the book and the characters and the story–mostly. The questionable relationship was avoided as if it hadn’t been written.

And, honestly, these women have so much going on already that if avoiding that relationship during the show meant NOT riling them up and, instead, just having a pleasant discussion about Homefront‘s other elements – unlikely friendships, troublesome mother in-law types – maybe it was for the best.

When fiction becomes fact.

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IMG_1993Every time I hear about yet more deaths of deployed service members, I’m pulled back (as much as I can be) into 2003-2004 when Ian was in Iraq. I’m able to be pulled back because, some time ago, after he’d been home for a while, I got out of that particular hell and was able to live what we call a “normal” life.

It’s easy when you’re not immediately involved to live that “normal” life. What Denise tells Mia in Homefront is all too true:

All we worry about is ourselves and how this war will affect us and the people we love. When Jake is home, you’ll see. You’ll care less about the war.” She shrugs. “It’s callous, but it’s true. You’ll care less because the soldier being blown up by an IED won’t represent Jake, and the woman crying on TV won’t represent you” (163).

Callous, but true.

However, I have the benefit of the memory. I call it a benefit because it’s so important to be able to empathize with such a huge number of people going through something so difficult. The more understanding they have, the better. Ian’s been back since 2004, but it’s still easy to hurt for these people getting the worst news they’re ever likely to receive, to remember that the only thing worse than worrying every second the person you love will die in the next minute is finding out they did. And that’s what much of the deployment experience is, really…it’s not just waiting to see someone again. That’s comparatively easy. Instead, it’s a perpetual wait to find out your love has died.

IMG_1995Lucky me, though – even if I can remember what it was like, right now I’m writing this while Ian is driving around somewhere in Nashville for work rather than doing whatever he’d be doing if he were deployed. He’ll be home tonight, just like he was home last night. The ever-present behind-the-ribs rolling and pulsing sense of dread isn’t there, anymore. Not for me.

But it is for hundreds of thousands of others who hope the next deaths they hear about won’t be their family, their spouse, their love.

When I discuss Homefront during interviews, when I discuss it today (noon central, if you want to listen in or participate) with a book club on Navy Homefront Talk, I admittedly get excited simply because I get to talk about the book. I worked hard to give an accurate and honest portrayal of the deployment experience. I’m a writer. I like to talk about my writing.

But within minutes of any conversation pertaining to Homefront, I forget about the book as a work of literature because I’m talking not about characters in a novel, anymore, but real people in one of the worst states of limbo imaginable. The people I talk to today will be going through a deployment, will undoubtedly be in that strange universe running parallel to “normal” that’s just slightly slanted, blurred, numb. They’ll be the white, bullet-hole face in the sea of smiling yellow.

How ’bout a little blog talk radio?

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A little while ago, I wrote that Beth Wilson’s “Homefront in Focus” fans (listeners of “Navy Homefront Talk” and readers of her columns and followers of her twitter tweets) made Homefront their very first book club selection. I was, and remain, incredibly honored.  I imagine it’s a lot like being the first Oprah’s Book Club selection! Sort of. This is a little better, because on Wednesday (noon CST), Beth is doing a show at “Navy Homefront Talk” for the book club and is having me on as a guest to discuss Homefront with them. I’m pretty sure that when Jacquelyn Mitchard’s book was chosen for Oprah’s Book Club, there wasn’t a call-in show readers could use to connect with her and ask questions about her book. (Maybe there was. I don’t know. I’m just guessing.)

I don’t know what this will be like, but I can’t wait to find out. Will they tell me they hate Denise? Will they (like a reporter I spoke with last week) wonder  why Mia would be friends with Donny? Will I be tricked into telling them which scene in the book is (mostly) true? I’d kept it a secret until recently, when I gave it away to a Stars & Stripes reporter.  I don’t know why I told him about that scene. It was something I’d meant to keep to myself, because it wasn’t one of my prouder moments. And also because it’s fun to say “One scene in the book was pulled directly from my experience when Ian was gone” and then wonder which one readers will think it is.

[Note: that only one scene actually happened to me during my own deployment experience should not in any way detract from the overall truth of the story. That the characters and their behavior are fictional is irrelevant to the heart of the story, the feeling readers come away with after experiencing a deployment through the eyes of the protagonist, which could not be more real, more true. ]

Maybe that scene won’t come up. One never knows, which is why I’m so excited about Wednesday.

One of the (many) cool things about Beth’s show is that if you’re listening live, you can also participate in a chat discussion. Beth magically manages to keep track of chat, respond to it by type-chatting herself, and talk all at the same time.

Listen in and visit the chat page and you’ll see for yourself. It’s crazy to watch.

If you’ve read or are reading Homefront, I hope you’ll listen in, and even call or chat.

If you haven’t read it but want to, you can get it almost anywhere online in print, and it’s also a free download and PDF at Scribd.com (see my sidebar for the widget–thanks to WordPress, I now know what a widget is).

To follow Beth Wilson’s show, check out a calendar of her upcoming shows or her “Navy Homefront Talk” archived podcasts.

Military spouses get candid about waiting through deployments.

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Pretty Much True...Some time ago, I was planning to speak at an event for military spouses. I’d recently written Pretty Much True…, a novel (inspired by the year my husband was in Iraq) that takes readers inside the my-love-could-die-any-second experience in a very raw, very honest, and highly intimate way.

In preparation, I conducted an informal survey of military spouses whose significant others were deployed to get a broader sense of how others handled their deployments. (I knew how I’d handled my experience waiting for my s/o to come home from Iraq,  but every experience is unique.) For the original post and all of the responses,  click here. What follows is just a sampling.

While these questions and answers appeared in 2007, they’re hardly any less relevant today, and they probably even mirror the experiences of those who waited through any of the World Wars, the Korean War, and Vietnam.

TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS

1. Are you male or female? Female

2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan? Iraq

3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover? Spouse

4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you? Yes, I despertaly felt the need for emotional support. It’s been really hard.

5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment? I have fellow spouses from the same squadron here helping me through this. The spouses of the deployed in my husbands squadron have formed a group.

6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn’t work? It has in a way. I love knowing I have women in the same position as me.. and one being a close friend. But on the other hand, most of the women have children and are much busier than I.. it makes it hard to relate.

7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently – we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.) Yes. Definitely have slight depression/anxiety. Some days are better than others. As far as weight loss, I do.. but not sure if its all because of working out.. I’m pretty sure its also the stress thats helping the loss. As well as illness’.. but that goes in hand with the anxiety/depression.

a) weight loss
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness
d) consistent lack of sleep
e) depression
f) anxiety

8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o? ALL THE TIME!! He’s on my mind every waking moment.

9. How often did you think about yourself? I rarely do.. my minds mostly focused on his well being and sending out care packages.

10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not? Yes and no. I find it difficult when I do things that we used to do.. making dinner, watching tv, sleeping. But when it comes to my friends and the gym.. I did those more on my own so it’s not SO bad.

11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience? Um, touchy. I guess. Meaning I’m just very sensitive.. always on edge. I can’t seem to relax with him gone.

12. What was your greatest fear during that time? Im constantly scared he wont return home. He’s my life, and I’d die if I never got to see his face again.

13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other? He and I are stronger than ever.. we can’t wait to see each other!!

14. With friends and family? Friends, I’ve also spent time with family too. But I’m still in our house.. which in a way is making it harder and easier. Easier cause I’m in my own space but harder cause he’s not here with me.

15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)? I have thought about it a couple times. Things have gotten to me a little too much and rather not have any big melt downs while he’s gone.

16. Did you seek therapy? Not so far. Heh.

17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help? N/A

18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience? I want to because I think it would help.. but because of a current medical problem.. I can’t.

19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment? My best friend. My husband and I have been there for each other though.. he’s helped me a lot. When he calls me he can put me to ease like no other. He’s the greatest.

20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home? I would say to make sure you communicate with friends/family and your s/o. Make sure you don’t hold things in.. it makes it harder.

21. How old are you? 18

——

1. Female

2. Deployed where? The first time, he was deployed to Iraq.

3. Spouse or S/O? He was (and is! haha) my spouse.

4. During the first deployment, I absolutely felt the need for some sort of support. I was young (19), just had given birth to our twins and was all alone for the first time in my life. The only one I had relied on had left and I felt so incredibly by myself.

5. I initially attempted to get support from the FRG, but when the deployment began, I was left with a really foul taste in my mouth. The wives were catty, gossipy and very clic-ish (if that’s a word). They would start rumors about the deployment and being as naive as I was, I would believe them. Things like “This war is going to be so short, the guys should be home by May… June the latest.” The guys had deployed March 2nd. I would get ecstatic thinking these people were the authority on what was going on when really they had no idea and were just trying to pass the time. I was disappointed several times by the FRG and eventually gave up. During the end of the deployment, we actually got together and voted to disband it as it was so bad, no one wanted to be a part of it anymore.

6. Unfortunately, no. At least not from the FRG. I did seek support from groups online and those did help a fair amount. It wasn’t like face to face interaction, but it was nice to know someone else was going through what I was and that I wasn’t alone.

7.
A) No. In fact, I experienced quite the opposite — a 50lb weight gain in under 3 months!
B) Yes, quite a bit.
C) I don’t think so.
D) Yes.
E) Yes, majorly.
F) YES! I was in a constant state of terror – always sure that next phone call would be with news of an injury, the next knock on the door was a man in uniform to tell me my husband wasn’t coming home.

8. How often did you think about him? Pretty much every second of the day. I couldn’t not think about him. I convinced myself that if I didn’t think about him, didn’t worry about him, didn’t think the worst that something really bad would happen and sneak up on me when I wasn’t paying attention. I was a mess.

9. How often did you think about yourself?  Never?

10. Difficult? Normal basically flew out the window the day I dropped him off. I cried all the time, I was always on edge, I didn’t clean, I barely ate (please explain how I gained all that weight! lol), I rarely left the house because I was too scared I would miss a phone call or an e-mail. EVERY aspect of my life revolved around my husband, the deployment and waiting to speak to him again.

11. One word to describe how you felt for the duration of the deployment:  Hopeless

12. My greatest fear was losing my husband, my best friend, the greatest person I’d ever known. My greatest fear was that he wouldn’t come home.

13. In a lot of ways, we actually benefited from the deployment as a couple. At the time of our marriage, we were both very young. We were very much in love, but hadn’t yet matured enough to really love one another through all our annoying habits and traits. We would argue over petty things and it wore on us — all this leading up to the deployment. After the deployment, all of that stuff just seemed to not matter. We realized how in love we were with one another and that we could make it through anything together. We realized how strong we’d made eachother and how good we were together. We both recognized the value of time and life and never took eachother for granted again.

14. I started to resent my family for not calling more, e-mailing my husband more, caring more as it felt like the entire country already didn’t care, how could our families not??

15. Yes, I’m pretty sure I should have had some sort of therapy (including medication) during the first deployment.

16. No. I was too scared the Army would take away my children.

17. N/A

18. Should have, but no I did not.

19. God

20. What would you want people to understand about deployments? It’s rough. It’s so much harder than anyone can ever imagine. I’ve seen stories written that attempt to put into words what it’s like, but unless you experience it first hand, you will never know what it’s like. I also think that while shows like ‘Over There’ and ‘Army Wives’ are entertaining, they are usually not accurate. The public should try and make themselves more aware of what’s going on, not only with the war, but with the Soldiers and their families. Appreciation isn’t asked for by anyone who joins, nor by their families, but it would be nice once in a while to see that the public is thankful for all that we do (both Soldiers and families). It seems that unless a civilian is directly affected by Soldiers and their families, they have no reason to show appreciation, support or caring of any kind. I’m tired of seeing “We support the troops” on signs of places trying to bring in more business and not for the simple idea of showing that they care. Yellow ribbons and magnets on cars are a nice thought, but people should realize that does nothing to benefit the Soldiers and their families. Every Soldier you see, should be thanked. If they are with their family, you should turn and thank them, too. I went to a rally for the troops during the first deployment (I didn’t support the war in Iraq, I still do not) and I remember very clearly a woman driving by in a car– she looked directly at me and mouthed the words “THANK YOU.” I didn’t support that war, but that one lady, that one ‘thank you’ made me feel like some part of what I was having to deal with and what my husband was having to endure was worth it. Those words have more power for servicemen and women than most imagine. Everytime my husband is stopped and thanked, he gets teary (he’s not a teary kind of guy). It really means more than anything else the public can do.

21. How old are you? 23

—–

1. Female
2. Iraq
3. lover
4. yes and no – I needed something, but I’ve never really been one to seek emotional support
5. no
6. n/a
7. weight loss, hair loss, lack of sleep, depression, anxiety
8. constantly
9. rarely
10. Yes and no – I did fine, but felt like I was outside of myself.
11. disconnected
12. that he would die
13. made us closer
14. no difference
15. probably
16. no – see number four
17. n/a
18. no
19. my deployed s/o
20. that it’s more complicated than they think
21. 33

——-

1. Are you male or female?
Female

2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan? Iraq

3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover? spouse

4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you? Well during a deployment you definitely don’t get physical intimacy, nor that physical support (i.e. hugging, holding etc) so the only thing you hold onto is that emotional intimate attachment. We are told that communication between you and your spouse should be light due to the fact that you don’t want to interfere with the mission, but I feel that the spouse deployed should at least give some emotional support- during our first deployment I started to dread his calls b/c they were only about “i need this” or “can you send this” which yes is important, but there were times I just needed to hear “baby, how are you holding up”. We almost didn’t make it due to this, but we got through it and we have discussed such issues and hopefully with the upcoming deployment it will be different

5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment? yes, I was an avid FRG member

6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn’t work? No — my husband was in the reserves and most of the wives were in their 40′s while I had just turned 20 and I just married my soldier – so while it was nice to just be around other wives from the unit, I didn’t really relate to any of them

7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently – we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)

a) weight loss
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness (yes)
d) consistent lack of sleepyes
e) depression yes
f) anxiety yes

8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o? all the time, I kept my cell phone by me at all times (bed, shower, movies, family outings, etc) as well as keeping messenger on and at the highest level – sometimes sleeping in the computer room

9. How often did you think about yourself? sometimes – I think mentally you have to get yourself out of deployment status for a while otherwise it will consume you and when your SO comes home and the homecoming doesn’t go according to the way you thought, I feel you can almost resent your soldier b/c you consumed all of yourself into this deployment with looking foward to a certain homecoming situation and when it doesn’t happen then you think “I never put me first anywhere”

10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not? yes – espescially with my husband being reserves and the wives being so scattered – so I was constantly around the civilian side and hearing people complain about their SO being gone for a weekend or a couple days just drove me insane – plus I wouldn’t go into buildings where I had no cell phone reception in fear of missing a call and most of my friends just didn’t understand that

11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience? numb

12. What was your greatest fear during that time? I think my greatest fear during that time was him not coming home – but more towards the end was the fear that when he got home would we even be compatible and still love each other just as much as before

13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other? well we almost divorced – I started to resent him b/c I heard about all the down time they did have and how other soldiers did call their wives and I barely got a call during that time plus I had asked him to just write me letters and I only got 2 during the deployment – but like I said before – we got counseling and we talked (ALOT) and we have discussed the routes we are taking with this next deployment to avoid (as much as possible) those issues

14. With friends and family?
well I definitely found out who my friends were- some didn’t even come around b/c they thought I would just cry and cry and they didn’t want to deal with it – I also dealt with the “friends” and I use that term lightly- that thought they could do a political debate with me and felt that I would be for the war and everything else b/c of my soldier – I may support my soldier 110% but that doesn’t mean I want him to go off to war and support the reasons as to why we were over there in the first place – - – It definitely brought me closer to my family b/c that was all I had
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)? I think it would be beneficial – just to talk to someone who isn’t fed up of hearing it b/c all too much the people you are around either don’t understand at all or are going through it as well and well – most times they don’t want to listen b/c that means they have to face their situation and anxiety as well

16. Did you seek therapy? afterwards, yes

17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help? it saved my marriage

18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience? I was prescribed sleeping pills but only used them the week after he left from R&R which was the harder of the 2 goodbyes in my opinion

19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment? army wife groups I found online

20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home? that just because we are home doesn’t mean our life isn’t hard – Not only do we have to support our soldiers but we are left here in this world where we don’t have a “mission” to keep us occupied. Instead we are at home where there is a constant reminder of our spouse/lover at every corner- there is an empty spot in bed that when he is gone feels like its the coldest part of the house- as well as dealing with the constant reminders of him being gone when we do leave the house b/c we have to deal with the constant questions from everyone as well as the news channels airing every day “2 soldiers killed” when you are praying that one of those soldiers isn’t yours but then your heart drops b/c you know some wife across the country is having her world close in on her and so its a lose/lose situation…. a deployment doesn’t just take one person with it overseas …it affects everyone who is close to that soldier but the person that is most affected is the wife and girlfriend who instead of just taking that soldier- they took our world with them

21. How old are you? 24 … was 20 when he left.


For more, click on the above link to the blog and check out the comments. Every day for more than a year at a time, these people are going through this. It might be interesting to hear from more of them what it’s like.


“Better Nashville” interview

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I’m excited to share this video with you of an interview Aug. 13 on WSMV-TV’s “Better Nashville” about Homefront. The show’s producer thought the story of those waiting for service members to return from war was an important one, as I do.

I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you’ll help spread it around. We often see people on TV talking about how difficult it is to have a loved one at war, but the experience is far more complex and surreal than is suggested by the word “difficult.” And it’s not an experience that is easy to explain, or for others to fully grasp. The war may be old news to much of the media (coverage is often limited to the more extreme stories, or to sound bytes announcing yet more deaths), but hundreds of thousands of people in this country – and other countries – continue to go through the surreal and tumultuous hell of hoping they’ll see the face of the one they love again. Someday.

Howard C. Romans III, an Afghanistan veteran, had this to say: “As a soldier and Army Veteran who served in Afghanistan shortly after 9/11, it’s easy to see the complete relevance this book has in accurately depicting the many emotions those on the “Homefront” experience day-in and day-out. To say that it is only limited to military and military supporters back home would be quite unfair. Its story, and message, is one that a great percentage of the American Population (at the very least), SHOULD read and try their hardest to understand.”

Click the image to link to the video. Many thanks to WSMV-TV for the interview!

And thank you for watching. :) (When Ian watched it, he wasn’t expecting to see himself on our TV. Oops. And the last line of the interview – re: “cats” – made him hide his face and say, “Oh, noooo!!!” For the record, I made no mention to anyone of cats. Somebody googled!)

Kristen

PopCultureZoo review and a radio interview

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(Internet radio, that is.)

popculturezoo books review pagePopCultureZoo.com, made up of “a plucky group of writers who earnestly want to help spread proper entertainment news” (read the rest of their appropriately plucky bio here), posted its review of Homefront yesterday.

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Snippets:

In every aspect, from style to subject matter, this book feels refreshingly honest and new while also feeling strangely familiar. I say that because there are times where you are certain how things are going to play out, but Tsetsi chooses a slightly unexpected direction…

…On a personal note, this is an extremely difficult book to properly review. It is an intimate and personal look into a soul bared raw for us all to see and it’s sometimes difficult to not feel like an unwelcome voyeur, especially when you find yourself quick to want to judge. I don’t think anything I can say will really do the book justice… make this the next book you read.

Read the full review at PopCultureZoo.com.

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And at noon (CST) today, I’ll be discussing Homefront with Beth Wilson on her blog talk radio show (archived podcast at “Navy Homefront Talk“).

Wilson is the founder of “Homefront in Focus” and a syndicated columnist who has appeared on Fox News and was recently featured in the Washington Times as the “first spouse embedded on a mission with the armed forces.” She said yesterday that she wants me to discuss – among other characters in Homefront - my favorite character. I’m still not sure who it’s going to be; it’s a tie between two characters, and for two very different reasons. I’ll be interested to know who I pick when the time comes. Coolest thing: she’s using Homefront to introduce her book club. It’s their first official book club selection!

I’m looking forward to the show – I hope you’re able to listen in.

Q&A

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For those participating in the Army Wife book club, you’re invited to participate in the thread I started in the forum, “Homefront Q&A.” Last night’s interview on AWR included a question I refused to answer about a lighter and its importance to Mia and Denise.  I refused because I thought it would be a lot more interesting to hear why you think that lighter is important, why Mia wanted to hold onto it, and why it was chosen in the first place.

There may be other questions or discussion points, and if there are any you’d like to have the author there for, I’ll be happy to respond to all of you. I look forward to (virtually) meeting you -

Kristen